two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
