Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
