I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize