my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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