check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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