; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
