Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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