A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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