Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sarcasm needs its own font
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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