It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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