If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
