There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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