do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
