my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
