guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
