oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
