I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
