Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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