It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
