Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
