I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
