At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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