i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
