Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
