i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
