Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
