I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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