Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
