C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize