I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it glows. i had to have it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
