Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
