I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
