Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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