Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
