I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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