Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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