well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
