Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
