Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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