she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
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