the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
