I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
