i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
