I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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