I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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