he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
