Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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