VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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