I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
