mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
