her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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