You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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