I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
