i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
