OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
