Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You are a genius and a whore.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
