i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
