handjob tips. give me some.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
