I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
