Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
