my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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