Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
