Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
