Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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