your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
