i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
