i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
