if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
