He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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