Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
